OOM: Orpheus

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve keeps his arm around Orpheus until they're well into the apartment. "Keep me company in the kitchen?" he says, sliding his fingers just above the waistband of Orpheus's jeans.


[ooc: Adult shenanigans within.]

Comments

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"I don't think any of it's my fault, either. That's not what I'm saying."

He rests his chin on his hand. "I'm not sure what I am saying anymore. Just that I'm trying to keep you contented and I'm failing even at that."

[golden_lyre]

"You're not failing at anything," Orpheus assures him. "I know you want to make things better for me, to make me happy or content or what have you, but that's not reality, my love. Just because I have...fits of melancholy, that doesn't mean it's a failing of yours. It's life. It's humanity, inasmuch as I am still human."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Not even contented anymore, huh?"

He has another long drink of wine.

[golden_lyre]

"That isn't what I said," Orpheus answers, exasperated. "I'm having a bad day. It doesn't mean anything."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve toys with the glass and just says, "Okay."

[golden_lyre]

"Steve..." He sighs.

"You have to give me the freedom to be sometimes unhappy."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Have you been happy lately?" Steve counters.

[golden_lyre]

"I've been cold lately. And grumbly. And possibly not as pleasant as I should have been," he says calmly, slowly.

"But I have also been happy."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Not just orgasm-happy? Because there's a difference."

[golden_lyre]

"Yes, I'm well aware, and--as I believe I've said before--if it were just about the sex, there are so many other places I could get that."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"That was really not what I wanted to hear," says Steve and gets up to take his empty plate to the sink.

[golden_lyre]

Orpheus sighs again and stands to follow him. "That isn't what I meant either. I don't know what you want to hear, Steve."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Something other than 'I can fuck anyone I want.'"

[golden_lyre]

"You just suggested that's all this was, that's all the happiness I found here. Sex is...nice, but it isn't what you give me. Not really. Not the important part."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"God," says Steve and rubs his forehead. "I know we're more than sex, Orpheus, but you just gave me a blowjob in the kitchen while mourning a dead friend and it does make a fella wonder what the hell is going through your mind."

[golden_lyre]

He shakes his head, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I needed...something. I don't know. I needed to know you were still here. Still alive. I..."

His fingers twitch and he glances to the bottle of ouzo still sitting on the counter.

"Everyone dies, Steve. Everyone but me," he says quietly.

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Slowly Steve shakes his head. "You say that like you think I don't know."

[golden_lyre]

"I'm not always sure you do," he answers, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Not really."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"My mother, my father, my grandparents, the Commandos, Bucky--

"No, I don't know what it feels like at all."

[golden_lyre]

"I don't want to make light of your losses, but...you really don't. You've lost people, it's true. And you'll likely lose more. It hurts for now, and you'll mourn them, likely the rest of your life. But you will meet more people, make more friends, and some of them, most of them probably, will last a lifetime.

"If, as you believe, you really are immortal, or effectively so, then someday, after you have loved and lost and loved and lost, generation after generation after generation, then you will know what it feels like. Then you'll know why, when I lose yet another friend, I feel the need to assure myself that I have not yet lost everyone, yet again." His voice stays as calm as he can make it, and if anything, it leans more toward melancholy resignation than anything else.

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

[ooc: Can't carry on anymore tonight. Pause?]

[golden_lyre]

[ooc: Sure thing. Sleep well!]

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve crosses his arms over his chest and looks away a moment. His eyes are bright when he looks back at Orpheus.

"Sometimes I feel like I dragged you into something you really don't want that much. I know you love me but... I'm not always sure you want the rest of it.

"But if all you wanted just now was just a little life affirmation and that wasn't regret over someone else, then okay." He nods, biting his lip. "And I'm sorry for freaking out on you yet again."

[golden_lyre]

Orpheus looks up at him, confusion on his face. "You thought I...regretted being with you over Urquhart?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Maybe?" Steve says. "Or anybody else who wouldn't make the demands on you that I do."