OOM: Orpheus

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Once he's in their room, Steve decides to take a shower to calm himself down.

He feels the effects of Orpheus's music all the time, but usually it's the ripples of happiness or desire or affection that wash over him. He'd forgotten -- or put out of his mind -- the downside, the gloom, the loneliness, the despair.

And most of the time, he tries not think about Eurydice. Her story would have no meaning to him beyond what he feels about other tragedies in myths, except that Orpheus loved her and it shapes everything he does, even after all this time.

He knows he shouldn't be jealous of a dead woman, but he is.

He stays in the shower for a long, long time.

Comments

[golden_lyre]

Orpheus glances up at him, regret and longing written all over his face.

"I'm sorry."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve sits on the edge of the bed and folds his hands together.

"Me too."

[golden_lyre]

He frowns at that, confused. "Why?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"That you still miss her, and when I try to help I just end up making it worse."

[golden_lyre]

"Steve..." He looks away a moment to gather his thoughts.

"I will always miss her. I think...if I didn't...I wouldn't know who I was. Sometimes I miss her less, and you do help with that."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"But you'll always love her more than you love me, won't you?" Steve asks painfully. "There'll always be limits on what we can do because you belonged to her first."

[golden_lyre]

And now he looks utterly confused.

"No, it isn't..." He sighs, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "It's not a question of loving more. It's completely different."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"From where I'm standing, that's what it feels like."

[golden_lyre]

"What do you think we can't do because of...because of her?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Dance," Steve says simply. "Celebrate Valentine's Day. Adopt kids. Get married, which I recently found out I can do in New York."

[golden_lyre]

"We danced! And I...Valentine's is tricky. I don't want children. And I...don't know why we would get married."

He's sure Steve has reasons, so he's hesitant to admit as much, but he honestly doesn't see a reason.

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Once," Steve says. "We danced once."

He lies back and puts his hand over his eyes.

[golden_lyre]

"You haven't asked since."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"You could ask me. Show me it's not traumatic for you anymore and ask me to dance."

[golden_lyre]

"I didn't know you wanted to, Steve. I'm not a mind reader."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"And I thought it was traumatic for you and didn't want to ask." He sighs.

[golden_lyre]

Orpheus tentatively reaches over to lay his hand on Steve's thigh. "It's been a very, very long time since I've thought about dancing. It isn't usually in my mind to do so."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"I think about it a lot. It seems like relationships start there."

[golden_lyre]

"That's rarely been my experience," Orpheus says. "But I can...try to think about it more."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"And will you ask me to dance with you?"

[golden_lyre]

"If I can remember to think about it."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve exhales slowly.

[golden_lyre]

Orpheus sighs and rubs his face.

"What do you need from me, lovely?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Effort!" Steve exclaims. "Something that isn't lukewarm! Something like 'Yes, Steve, I will ask you to dance with me.' Something to show me that I mean as much to do as you do to me because God knows I'm having a hard time believing it right now."

[golden_lyre]

"I...I thought I was..." His fingers twitch, and he moves his hands to the blankets to grip them.

"I'm trying, Steve. I don't know what more I can give. I will ask you to dance when I think of dancing. But I've spent centuries not thinking of it. I can't guarantee it will happen any time soon."