OOM: Orpheus

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Once he's in their room, Steve decides to take a shower to calm himself down.

He feels the effects of Orpheus's music all the time, but usually it's the ripples of happiness or desire or affection that wash over him. He'd forgotten -- or put out of his mind -- the downside, the gloom, the loneliness, the despair.

And most of the time, he tries not think about Eurydice. Her story would have no meaning to him beyond what he feels about other tragedies in myths, except that Orpheus loved her and it shapes everything he does, even after all this time.

He knows he shouldn't be jealous of a dead woman, but he is.

He stays in the shower for a long, long time.

Comments

[golden_lyre]

"You haven't asked since."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"You could ask me. Show me it's not traumatic for you anymore and ask me to dance."

[golden_lyre]

"I didn't know you wanted to, Steve. I'm not a mind reader."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"And I thought it was traumatic for you and didn't want to ask." He sighs.

[golden_lyre]

Orpheus tentatively reaches over to lay his hand on Steve's thigh. "It's been a very, very long time since I've thought about dancing. It isn't usually in my mind to do so."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"I think about it a lot. It seems like relationships start there."

[golden_lyre]

"That's rarely been my experience," Orpheus says. "But I can...try to think about it more."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"And will you ask me to dance with you?"

[golden_lyre]

"If I can remember to think about it."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve exhales slowly.

[golden_lyre]

Orpheus sighs and rubs his face.

"What do you need from me, lovely?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Effort!" Steve exclaims. "Something that isn't lukewarm! Something like 'Yes, Steve, I will ask you to dance with me.' Something to show me that I mean as much to do as you do to me because God knows I'm having a hard time believing it right now."

[golden_lyre]

"I...I thought I was..." His fingers twitch, and he moves his hands to the blankets to grip them.

"I'm trying, Steve. I don't know what more I can give. I will ask you to dance when I think of dancing. But I've spent centuries not thinking of it. I can't guarantee it will happen any time soon."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"And you wonder why I feel like I'm in competition with Eurydice," Steve says quietly. "Because she's always there. Coloring everything you think and do."

[golden_lyre]

"Of course she is! She's my wife, Steve. That isn't going to change."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve stares at him a moment, then says softly, "Wow.

"Thanks. I know where I stand now. Thanks for making it clear I'm nothing more than your piece on the side." He rises and starts collecting his clothes.

[golden_lyre]

"What?"

He pushes himself up, reaching for Steve's arm. "Steve, wait. Why do you keep trying to compare yourself to her? It's different. It's completely different. Not better or worse, simply not comparable.

"Apples and oranges."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve yanks his arm away. "So far below her I'll never be on the same scale, in other words."

[golden_lyre]

"No! Gods, no." His eyes dart to his guitar. It would be easier just to play this for Steve, but he's not sure that would help.

"Look, you said that she's always there, coloring everything, and that's true, yes. But so are you. No less than she is, only in a different way."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve shakes his head, unbelieving. "Then why can't you give me today? One holiday, Orpheus. Our first Valentine's Day together."

[golden_lyre]

"I didn't think, all right? I'm sorry. I should have, but I didn't. It's not...it's not a holiday that ever meant anything to me. I didn't think that it would to you."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"It doesn't mean anything to you except to remind you of what you no longer have, you mean."

[golden_lyre]

"It's not the holiday itself that does that. It's all the...couples. Everyone with their...possibility."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Are we not a couple?" Steve pleads. "Don't we have possibility?"

[golden_lyre]

"Yes," Orpheus says and then repeats it like it's just occurred to him. "Yes. We do. More possibility than I ever would have expected. I'm just...I'm not used to that yet. I'm not used to thinking of myself with that possibility."