Winter Soldier - "Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"SHIELD, HYDRA--it all goes."



Battle plans formed, Steve stands on the dam, watching the sun come up. This early, and this far out of the capitol, the world is quiet. Peaceful.

Somewhere, a church bell is ringing, carrying through the stillness.

It gives a man time to think.

To remember.


Steve is eighteen the year his mother dies. He'd just been accepted at Cooper Union and would start there in the fall, and he thanks God that the school would cover his tuition because what little money they'd managed to save went to pay for Sarah's funeral instead.

He knows she'd want him to go to school, Steve thinks as he walks home. He knows she'd want him to carry on with his plans, pursue that career in comics that he dreamed of. He knows that like most immigrant parents, she wanted nothing more for him than a better life.

He has no idea how he'll manage now. They'd survived on her nurse's wages and what he made doing odd jobs or working as a paperboy, but the rent is already late and he has nothing in his pockets.

He has nothing at all, if he's being perfectly honest with himself.

And he is always honest.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

"We looked for you, after."

Bucky follows his best friend across the yard to the steps. Steve may have ditched him after the church, but he's not going to give up that easily.

"My folks wanted to give you a ride to the cemetery."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"I know," says Steve as they start climbing the stairs. "It's... I kind of wanted to be alone."

It's been him and Sarah, on their own, for so long.

Now it's just him.

He'd better get used to it.

[nerves_of_ice]

"How was it?"

Stupid, he chides himself, trudging upward one step at a time. You dummy. How do you think it was? Could you be any more of an idiot?

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"It was okay," Steve says, unable to keep the sorrow out of his voice. "She's next to Dad."

He barely has to look where he's going, the path to his door is so familiar.

[nerves_of_ice]

Steve heads for the door of the apartment - his and his alone, now, and Bucky can't stand it. He can't.

"You know," he starts, a little awkwardly, "I was gonna ask--"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"I know what you're going to say, Buck," Steve says and stops at the door. He starts to hunt through his pockets for his key. "It's just..."

It's just his key isn't in his usual pocket.

[nerves_of_ice]

"We can put the couch cushions on the floor, like when we were kids," he teases, trying as best he can to lighten the moment. He knows Steve; if Steve feels like he's a burden, he won't come, not unless Bucky drags him and maybe not even then.

"It'll be fun. All you've gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash once in a while."

As Steve half-turns, searching his pockets, Bucky kicks aside the brick by the railing and picks up the spare key, then holds it out to him.

"Come on," he says, quietly. "What d'ya say?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve takes the key.

Bucky taking care of him, just like always.

"Thank you, Buck." He inhales. Bucky's making a simple offer now, but as the days pass and he realizes how much Steve will have to depend on him, he'll regret it.

Steve would rather not reach that point.

"But I can get by on my own."

[nerves_of_ice]

The corner of his mouth twists in a wry smile, just for an instant.

Of course Steve would say that. Of course he would.

"I know you can. The thing is, you don't have to."

Bucky reaches out and clasps Steve's right shoulder, holding on to him as best he can.

"I'm with you to the end of the line, pal."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

What can you say to that?

Because pride aside, worry aside, Steve knows.

He knows.


So he doesn't say anything.

He just smiles.

[nerves_of_ice]

He smiles back, and shifts to stand beside Steve. Bucky slings his arm around Steve's shoulder.

"Come on. Let's go get you settled in."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"I should get some clothes," Steve says.

Funny how Bucky's arm is never too heavy.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sure. Bring some other stuff, too, whatever you want."

He tries a quick grin.

"Just consider me your pack mule."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve gives him that smile again--What did I do to deserve you as my friend?--and tows him into the apartment.

He makes quick work of packing. He has few belongings--faded photographs of his grandparents and Joseph and Sarah, changes of clothes, books, and every precious stub of pencil and piece of paper--and they fit into his knapsack easily.

[nerves_of_ice]

He circles the apartment while Steve loads his personal stuff, checking to make sure nothing important's being left behind.

There's not much, truth be told, not that it's a surprise. He finds a locket of Sarah's, tucked away deep in a drawer, and collects that. She'd had a couple of pictures of Steve, too, and he gets those as well, then heads back to join Steve.

"Here."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Thanks," Steve says and takes the pictures and locket carefully.

He cradles the locket in his palm a moment, then tucks it away.

"I'm ready."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Okay."

He reaches for Steve's knapsack.

"I'll carry this, and that way you can lock the door."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Okay."

He lets Bucky go out first, and makes one final, visual sweep of the rooms.

Well.


That's that, then.


He closes the door and locks it.

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky's waiting for him outside, the knapsack slung over one shoulder.

He keeps quiet until the lock clicks, then moves back to Steve's side.

"Come on. Let's go."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"Gladly," Steve says quietly.

He starts down the stairs and, aside from a quick glance to be sure Bucky is joining him, doesn't look back.

[notapilot]

Sam's head is spinning a bit with all they intend to do. This is a big step away from what his life had become. Still, he is committed, fully. All the planning seems done, the I's dotted and T's crossed, but there was one thing that wasn't brought up and so he went looking for Steve, finding him outside staring off into the past.

"He's going to be there, you know?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve doesn't move or look at Sam, still lost in his thoughts.

"I know."

[notapilot]

Sam stops a few feet away, enough to let Steve know he'll leave if Steve prefers.

"Look," He says, glancing up at the sky, checking the weather. A good day for flying. "Whoever he used to be, the guy he is now, I don't think he's the kind you save. He's the kind you stop."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

He finally looks at Sam, just a glance.

He knows that, too. If it were anyone else, there would be no question. As it is--

It's Bucky.



"I don't know if I can do that."

[notapilot]

Sam holds himself steady to that glance, though it pierces his heart. These words hurt him, he can't even imagine how they are making Steve feel.

"He may not give you a choice."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve doesn't flinch.

He thinks, Bucky always did what he had to do to save me. I can't do any less.

[notapilot]

Sam watches for a moment longer before looking away and off the side of the bridge. Lots of bridges lately, he thinks.

"He doesn't even know you."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Now Steve does look at him.

"He will."

Captain America has always been a symbol of hope. Sometime he's even that symbol to Steve.

[notapilot]

Sam looks back, letting the soldier mask slip enough for Steve to see his compassion.

He nods once to Steve's conviction and says, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'm here for whatever you need."

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve nods, both in acknowledgement and gratitude.

(When all of this is over, there's a multi-dimensional bar Steve wants to introduce Sam to. It's the least he can do.)

"Gear up," he says simply. "It's time."

[notapilot]

Sam nods and turns to head back to the bunker. He pauses to look over his shoulder when he notices Steve isn't joining him.

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve is striding off in the other direction.

[notapilot]

Confused, Sam calls out, "You gonna wear that?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

"No," Steve calls back. "If you're gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform."

And he knows just what uniform he needs to wear today.

[notapilot]

Sam doesn't shake his head, nor wonder if Steve should be go off by himself. Really.

Instead he calls back, "I'll let everyone know you're going shopping, then."